One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
jump out the window naked night went bad
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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