im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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