Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I showed him my bush... on skype.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize