Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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