It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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