I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
