just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
