I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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