i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize