One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
