Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
