it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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