I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
