this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How does it feel to date your dad?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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