i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
