im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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