i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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