1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
