thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
