Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
