she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
