i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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