Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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