if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
