Too much gin, very little bucket
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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