I'm jealous of your bromance
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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