I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
