So drunk, too bad you don't want this
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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