We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My vagina is very pro this idea
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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