Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
