I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize