I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
