My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
