My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
