Umm I'm too high to move.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
