she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize