He kissed a someone with a penis
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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