Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize