My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
it's like iHOP with fire
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
