I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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