She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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