Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
