hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
