i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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