community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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