now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
