its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize