That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
