Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
