apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
