someone threw a dead crab at me
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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