Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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