O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize