Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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