Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I still have a little drunk in my system
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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