I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Randomize