I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
