I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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