I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you would pick up someone in the library
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
