Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
