i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
