The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
