I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
