remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
he fucked my hip out of place.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
