i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
only if we run a train.
done.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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