Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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