Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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