we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
