dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
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