You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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