I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
