I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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