walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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