chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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