Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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