What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
