I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
