Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize