I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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