I'm so fucking centered right now
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
