Dude my mom stole all your condoms
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
