Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
