So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize
