Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
