pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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