There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
