I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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