So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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