i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize