so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
