Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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