I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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