I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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