he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
