yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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