He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
