Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
